What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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