I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
