butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
