i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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