i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
