4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
