We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
