I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
