Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
