i will never coherently bang her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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