I can text with my tongue
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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