I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you win again, gameday.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
