I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
