just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
