It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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