I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
