If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We need to get me chipped asap
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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