I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
