we have officially lost it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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