He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
