im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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