Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
