Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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