it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
