Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
