I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
