Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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