Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
