just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
