i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
