I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
