Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
