my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
