Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
