Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
