I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
