why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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