Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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