Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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