so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
