Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
