SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
