I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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