im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
