I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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