this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
