and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
