Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
