I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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