I want to have your abortion
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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