OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
